Read this because...well...YOLO!

Two blogs in one day? Man I must really need to discuss this topic.  And by discuss, I mean rant about how stupid it is. 

I have no idea how many people actually know of "YOLO" or what it even means.  But when I found out I seriously wanted to punch the stupid little teenage girl who made it up.  Because lets be real, no adult is going to make that shit up.  YOLO.  You only live once.  Really?  Are you THAT lazy that you just can't type it out? (I have this same feeling about "smh", because who the shit actually says that? "I'm shaking my head right now." no one. Absolutely no one says that.)

It might not even be the message of YOLO that pisses me off.  Maybe it is, I have no idea.  It's more likely the WAY people use it.  Example.  Have a one night stand last night that you would have other wise regretted? Meh. YOLO!  Going on a cool trip to somewhere you've never been before?? YOLO! Committed some sort of crime and got arrested.  No worries here! YOLO!

Fucking. Retarded.  It hurts my head when people use it.  Seriously.  Everyone in this world is fully aware that you only live your life once.  No need to make up a stupid ass abbreviation for the phrase and say it every two seconds.  Going in the kitchen to make a sandwich! YOLO!

Seriously.  Stop using it.  And lets get rid of SMH while we're at it because that is equally stupid. 

I think that covers it. 

The beginning of my future.

I'm gonna level with everyone here.  In high school...when everyone was scrambling to apply to colleges and figure out what "forever" was going to become...I was sitting around just waiting to graduate.  I have no freaking idea why I didn't bother trying to figure out what I wanted to "be".  Maybe because I already knew? I also knew it was pretty impossible.  What 17 year old from Hanover, Pennsylvania is going to become some hot-shot super star? Not this gal! But hey, at 17 I thought it was do-able.  So here I am at 17..graduated...all my friends are off to college and I'm twiddling my thumbs having no idea what's going on.  Why did I wait!? I seriously didn't even know how to go about applying for college let alone what I wanted to DO for the rest of my life.  I was a teenager.  How the shit do people expect a teenager to figure out what they are going to want to do for the rest of their lives??? It's stupid, that's what it is.  So of course after realizing that I hated school and didn't want to go back for any reason...I worked.  And I worked my ass off.  At one point in time I had 4 job titles going.  I worked at American Eagle, and then I worked 3 different areas in Texas Roadhouse...most of which I did at least 2 jobs a day during the week and all 3 on the weekends.  I guess I figured if I wasn't going to school, this sure as shit would make up for it.  Anyway, we are getting off topic here.

Eventually I gave in and decided I have to at least take classes.  Anything would work.  Off to community college I go! (or at HACC, better known as "just like fucking high school except you pay for this shit").  Seriously, it was just like high school.  And after two short semesters I was back into my "screw this" mentality.  I have zero patience for things that get me no where really fast.  When I met my husband I kind of just gave up.  (Prior to meeting him not when I met him). It was so pointless to keep trying to find something I loved as much as music.  That would NEVER happen, so why was I trying to pretend it would? And lets face it even if I did settle on a career, I freaking hate school so much I would have talked myself out of doing it anyway.  Putting myself in debt to suffer through something I despise made no sense to me.  So I never did it.

Here I am though, almost 25 years old...married with a beautiful daughter...and it hit me.  I figured it out.  I do want to learn more about something. I actually want a career...I don't want to be a stay at home mom forever like I thought I did.  What is happening to me?! My poor husband came back from deployment to an entirely new person and I keep changing.  For the better though, so he can't complain. I was thinner, had more confidence, I was happier and stronger.  I was a better mom, a better wife, and now I get to make our lives better by becoming something MORE. Tomorrow I get my textbook in, and I get to start studying my butt off to become a Personal Trainer.  I want to change people the way I was changed.  I was miserable and felt worthless.  Just by eating better and working out I am a completely different person.  who wouldn't want that? I want to help people understand they are worth something.  Because I didn't know I was worth anything until someone showed me.  I finally found something I love...that I'm passionate about...that allows me to help people.  I'd say this is pretty damn perfect for me.  It only took 25 years...better late than never.

What inspires you?

Let's try this again. I had an entire blog written out and I was quite proud of it and BAM, it disappeared. Needless to say I wasn't excited...so here we go for round two.

To be perfectly honest I can't remember how I began the blog or even where I was going with it. So my mind is kind of wondering instead of focusing on just creating something new. Basically I want to address the topic of inspiration. Of motivation. What gets you out of bed every day? What gets you to work everyday? To the gym? Some people may be able to easily answer and get on with their day. Other people may have no idea what motivates them. I, for one, didn't have any inspiration until about 4 or 5 months ago. For anything. I was lazy, I only did the things I HAD to do. It was actually quite sad. I let every single part of me go. I sort of just stopped caring. I think I accepted that I would just be big and miserable forever.

I don't know what snapped. It may have been the women who asked me if my husband would be present for the birth of our second child. It might have been how absolutely shitty I felt everyday. It may have even been the fact that I couldn't keep up with my daughter to even simply play on the floor. I was "too tired" for any of it. I was in a really bad place. And i got out.

Shout out to Stephen Porter who took whatever little bit of ambition, inspiration & motivation I had found and blew it up into something huge. It only takes a LITTLE BIT. Just enough to get going. And mind you, i'm not just talking about going to the gym or eating better...i'm talking about anything YOU want to do. Not trying is the worst thing you can do. "i cant do it" shouldn't exist in anyone's vocabulary. My father told me that my entire life growing up. "never say you can't do something". And he was right. Parents are always right. There is NOTHING that I am incapable of doing.

So. What is my inspiration and motivation now? Besides the obvious..my husband and daughter...I am my inspiration. There is nothing more inspiring to yourself than when you do something you didn't think you were capable of. It's infectious. My point? Find your inspiration. Go on a hunt for it. Don't stop until you figure out what it is and use it to fight for whatever you want. Anyone can do anything they want to do. You just have to want it bad enough.

Fight hard, and keep fighting. The beginning is the hardest.

We're moving to Europe. Don't hate.

Try as I might I don't think I can express in words the feeling I got when Dan called to tell me we are moving to Italy. ITALY. No, it still hasn't sunk in. The opportunities our daughter will have, and the beautiful things we will get to experience still seem completely surreal. But alas, it's happening. Of course our family is upset..we are taking this gorgeous, hilarious little girl forever away from them and that's a jagged pill to swallow...but she will become an amazing woman for these experiences. And seriously, who the hell would NOT want to move to Europe? To be honest I am still terrified. It's a loooong way away, without knowing anyone, and raising a child. It takes a strong relationship and an open mind. Thank God Dan and I have both of those things. Obviously this blog will take a turn into stories about all of our travels and experiences when we get there (and of course along the way). My goal is to make everyone so jealous that they come and visit and least once! ;)

If I'm an idiot for still supporting Chris Brown's music, Rihanna must be the biggest moron of all.

I'm going to make this simple. IF YOU HATE CHRIS BROWN I WOULD STOP READING NOW. I have read countless posts about how the women who still support Chris Brown's music are idiots, or stupid. Thank you so much, because I happen to be included in that bunch of idiots. It doesn't bother me though because I know that I am not supporting what he did, just his talents. To me, in my opinion, what he does in his personal life has no effect on his talents. Now, if you're someone who doesn't think he's talented...again...stop reading. I'm not here to persuade anyone that he is talented, everyone has their own opinions on musicians. However, to assume that every girl who still loves his music is an idiot? No. I'm certainly not supporting what he did. It wasn't and isn't ok. But just like every other story in the media..we do not know all the facts. Regardless. I'm still not supporting what he did.

If you've ever taken notice to award shows you'd see that when Chris Brown was present, Rihanna was not. And vice versa. This is obviously because of the restraining order she had on him. However this year at the Grammy's they both performed. This struck me as odd but, oh well. And then! Last night Chris Brown tweets a link to the remix of his new song "Turn Up The Music". Shit yes i'm going to listen to it, it's a great song already. Oh my god...what is this? RIHANNA is on the track?! Jesus people, it couldn't have been that bad if she's making music with him again. So i'd greatly appreciate not being called an idiot anymore...because if anyone is an idiot..Rihanna is for going near the man who "beat the shit out of her".

Anddd queue the pissed off people!

Yup. I'm a Gleek.

You know, i've never spoken in depth about the way I feel towards music to anyone. Probably because I'm not sure if anyone feels as passionate as i do about it. Just for one minute picture the world without music. It would be a terrifying place, in my opinion. I honestly don't know how i'm going to get through this blog, and make my point, because putting what I feel into words seems pretty impossible. When i started singing i never imagined i would need music to get me through each day. Seriously..I need it. I feel lost without music. I'm pretty open to all genres, because I believe that each one requires a different sort of talent to excel in. People who look down on genres that they don't like don't truly appreciate music as a whole. I do. And today i'm going to address the tv show Glee. I'm well aware many people don't enjoy the show, or what it's about. They think it's stupid, or don't like the music they perform. But let me tell you something...EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of those kids are talented as hell. It is unbelievable sometimes what they are capable of. My heart is filled with absolute joy when I get to watch it. I guess i'm sort of obsessed with performing. But when you find something you're good at and that you love...it's hard to not obsess. I truly hope people can relate to the way I feel, because if not I just look like a total fool right now. But if you can't relate...just take the one thing that YOU are passionate about...and that's my love for music. I always hoped one day I would be famous. Even if my voice wasn't perfect, i felt like I loved doing it enough to make it. When I hear a good song (which...good obviously means different things to everyone) what I feel inside is unreal. I feel like everything is ok. And for those few minutes...i can escape. Man, i sure hope this doesnt make me look like a freak. But if it does...oh well. I'll stand by my obsessive love for music. If you can't take this and apply it to something in your life...i urge you to find SOMETHING that you can apply it to. Because until you are passionate about anything at all...you have no idea what life feels like..

Walmart. ...i think that title covers it

Just as a general rule, i try to avoid ANY walmart in ANY area at all costs. Not only for the absolute morons that occupy the building at all times...but also because i'm not always impressed with the quality of their products. But of course, i'm not here to talk about the quality of anything...who gives a shit about that? I'm here to talk about the people of walmart. Sometimes it's quite entertaining to watch these people. Other times (such as today) it makes you want to rip your hair out. I unfortunately had to make a trip there today to see if my daughters prescription was ready. Before i got in line i needed a few other items so went on a hunt for those first. I'm in the aisle, picking up my items and BAM! I hear it. A child crying and the adult responding with "Oh, SHUT UP". I'm sorry, what? So..i turned around to see what type of person would be so awful to a CHILD. My reaction was met with a look of death from this woman. As she's walking towards me my daughter starts to cry. THIS is how i handled that situation. I rubbed her back, told her she was ok, and kissed her forehead. As i always do. And as this woman was watching me you better believe i returned that evil look right back. LEARN TO SPEAK TO YOUR KIDS. Oh but of course that's not the end of it. As i'm walkin my way to the back of the store for the milk, i hear little girls laughing and playing floating around in the air. Apparently those kids aren't allowed to have fun because their laughing was quickly muted with a loud "IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF I KNOW TWO LITTLE GIRLS WHO ARE GETTING THEIR ASSES BUSTED!" yeah...that's totally the way to handle that. God forbid if children LAUGH...because that's just uncalled for. I seriously have no idea what is wrong with people these days, but they need to appreciate they were able to carry and give birth to their children because not everyone is blessed with that ability. Seeing instances like that pisses me off so much because i know of, and hear stories everyday of women who want children so bad but can't have them. But here are these trashy assholes with 4 and 5 kids. Blows my mind. I don't think anything will EVER beat the racist woman who leaned over to me in a busy walmart aisle and told me that if the mexican woman in front of me "couldn't speak English she needed to get the f*** out of walmart." But that is a whole other story for a whole new blog. Welcome to Goldsboro. Population: mostly assholes.