The beginning of my future.

I'm gonna level with everyone here.  In high school...when everyone was scrambling to apply to colleges and figure out what "forever" was going to become...I was sitting around just waiting to graduate.  I have no freaking idea why I didn't bother trying to figure out what I wanted to "be".  Maybe because I already knew? I also knew it was pretty impossible.  What 17 year old from Hanover, Pennsylvania is going to become some hot-shot super star? Not this gal! But hey, at 17 I thought it was do-able.  So here I am at 17..graduated...all my friends are off to college and I'm twiddling my thumbs having no idea what's going on.  Why did I wait!? I seriously didn't even know how to go about applying for college let alone what I wanted to DO for the rest of my life.  I was a teenager.  How the shit do people expect a teenager to figure out what they are going to want to do for the rest of their lives??? It's stupid, that's what it is.  So of course after realizing that I hated school and didn't want to go back for any reason...I worked.  And I worked my ass off.  At one point in time I had 4 job titles going.  I worked at American Eagle, and then I worked 3 different areas in Texas Roadhouse...most of which I did at least 2 jobs a day during the week and all 3 on the weekends.  I guess I figured if I wasn't going to school, this sure as shit would make up for it.  Anyway, we are getting off topic here.

Eventually I gave in and decided I have to at least take classes.  Anything would work.  Off to community college I go! (or at HACC, better known as "just like fucking high school except you pay for this shit").  Seriously, it was just like high school.  And after two short semesters I was back into my "screw this" mentality.  I have zero patience for things that get me no where really fast.  When I met my husband I kind of just gave up.  (Prior to meeting him not when I met him). It was so pointless to keep trying to find something I loved as much as music.  That would NEVER happen, so why was I trying to pretend it would? And lets face it even if I did settle on a career, I freaking hate school so much I would have talked myself out of doing it anyway.  Putting myself in debt to suffer through something I despise made no sense to me.  So I never did it.

Here I am though, almost 25 years old...married with a beautiful daughter...and it hit me.  I figured it out.  I do want to learn more about something. I actually want a career...I don't want to be a stay at home mom forever like I thought I did.  What is happening to me?! My poor husband came back from deployment to an entirely new person and I keep changing.  For the better though, so he can't complain. I was thinner, had more confidence, I was happier and stronger.  I was a better mom, a better wife, and now I get to make our lives better by becoming something MORE. Tomorrow I get my textbook in, and I get to start studying my butt off to become a Personal Trainer.  I want to change people the way I was changed.  I was miserable and felt worthless.  Just by eating better and working out I am a completely different person.  who wouldn't want that? I want to help people understand they are worth something.  Because I didn't know I was worth anything until someone showed me.  I finally found something I love...that I'm passionate about...that allows me to help people.  I'd say this is pretty damn perfect for me.  It only took 25 years...better late than never.